i think there comes a point in a long term relationship when people around you get a bit more curious, a bit more nosey, and a bit more judgmental. they start asking questions like:
“when are you guys moving in together?”
“have you talked about the future – kids, marriage, puppies?”
“…but you’ve been together how long now?”
and my favorite…
“when are you guys getting engaged!?”
i’m asked the last question pretty much on a monthly basis – whether it’s from a family member, a close friend, or even a colleague – and my answer is always the same.
i think a lot of the question-asking has to do with the timing. in a few months he’ll be 29 (july) and i’ll be 27 (september). we’ve been together for almost 3 years – living together for 1.5. so far we’ve been to three weddings and have five more coming up in just this year alone! it seems like all of our closest friends are taking the next step in THEIR relationships, so it seems only fitting that we do the same, right?
now, i’d be straight up lying if i said i didn’t think about getting engaged and marrying my best friend. i think about it a lot – what girl doesn’t, especially when they’re in love. but there was a time, more recently, when i was maybe thinking about it all too much. i started letting those outside forces get inside my head. it was as if i let them plant a “planning” seed in my brain and all of a sudden my life was on a deadline. i felt like in order for my life to turn out the way I had always hoped and dreamed, an engagement would need to happen by the end of this year.
engaged by 27. married by 28. house by 29. child by 31. life complete.
who am I, even?
boyfriend and I talk a lot about our future. he reassures me all the time that he’s not going anywhere, that I’m “the one”, yada yada yada. and vice versa. we have dreams of moving away together, starting a family, and growing old together. but i think all of these dreams are kind of the beauty in it all. we get excited when we talk about these dreams of ours. we are content in this little life that we are building together. to us, we have so much to look forward to - engagement, or no engagement.
i think it’s important to remind ourselves once in a while to not get caught up on the “if’s” and the “when’s”, and that it’s okay to take your time, to learn about your relationship, and that maybe you both aren't quite there yet. if boyfriend were to propose tomorrow, i would be ecstatic. but if it doesn't happen for another year or two, i would be just as equally ecstatic. when i felt like i had to put a timeline on these life events, our dreams felt spoiled. our wide open future felt spoiled. i was so fixed on when, and how, and if, and where, that I was forgetting the most important thing of all. to just live in the moment. enjoy each day as it comes. savor the little things. and if something wonderful happens along the way...
hope your day is full of love.