Wednesday, March 14, 2012

all you need is love.

i think there comes a point in a long term relationship when people around you get a bit more curious, a bit more nosey, and a bit more judgmental. they start asking questions like:

“when are you guys moving in together?”
“have you talked about the future – kids, marriage, puppies?”
“…but you’ve been together how long now?”

and my favorite…

“when are you guys getting engaged!?”

i’m asked the last question pretty much on a monthly basis – whether it’s from a family member, a close friend, or even a colleague – and my answer is always the same. 

" idea."

i think a lot of the question-asking has to do with the timing. in a few months he’ll be 29 (july) and i’ll be 27 (september). we’ve been together for almost 3 years – living together for 1.5. so far we’ve been to three weddings and have five more coming up in just this year alone! it seems like all of our closest friends are taking the next step in THEIR relationships, so it seems only fitting that we do the same, right?

 now, i’d be straight up lying if i said i didn’t think about getting engaged and marrying my best friend. i think about it a lot – what girl doesn’t, especially when they’re in love. but there was a time, more recently, when i was maybe thinking about it all too much. i started letting those outside forces get inside my head. it was as if i let them plant a “planning” seed in my brain and all of a sudden my life was on a deadline. i felt like in order for my life to turn out the way I had always hoped and dreamed, an engagement would need to happen by the end of this year.

engaged by 27. married by 28. house by 29. child by 31. life complete.
who am I, even?


boyfriend and I talk a lot about our future. he reassures me all the time that he’s not going anywhere, that I’m “the one”, yada yada yada. and vice versa. we have dreams of moving away together, starting a family, and growing old together. but i think all of these dreams are kind of the beauty in it all. we get excited when we talk about these dreams of ours. we are content in this little life that we are building together. to us, we have so much to look forward to - engagement, or no engagement.

i think it’s important to remind ourselves once in a while to not get caught up on the if’s and the when’s, and that it’s okay to take your time, to learn about your relationship, and that maybe you both aren't quite there yet. if boyfriend were to propose tomorrow, i would be ecstatic. but if it doesn't happen for another year or two, i would be just as equally ecstatic. when i felt like i had to put a timeline on these life events, our dreams felt spoiled. our wide open future felt spoiled. i was so fixed on when, and how, and if, and where, that I was forgetting the most important thing of all. to just live in the moment. enjoy each day as it comes. savor the little things. and if something wonderful happens along the way...

embrace it. 



hope your day is full of love.


Lottie said...

At the moment everyone keeps asking us when we are going to buy a house. All the other grandchildren that are married have houses; isn't it the next logical step; aren't we sick of renting, yada yada yada.

Now I would love a house. In an ideal world I would have a house and we would make it our own and be paying down a mortgage but we live in London which means high prices, large depositis, and the goal posts being shifted miles away from us.

But I did feel the pressure to buy--like our decision was the wrong one, maybe we should move out and buy a house instead of paying expensives rent. And it got ridiculous. They have their houses and are happy and renting is perfect for us at the moment and you never know we might have our first child in a rented flat, who knows--they would GASP then.

But it made me realise you have to live your life as you want to and make the best decision you can at the time. They had their life and this one is ours.

OK rant over--sorry for taking over your blog.

whitney said...

i love this.

you tell those bitches to stop asking and start living their own lives!


can't wait for saturday.

Vicki said...

I love this ... it 100% sums up my life (although I doubt there is anyone who thinks/dreams about the engagement more then me) :)

wildchild said...

amen. before ben popped the question, that's all my extended family and random friends i wasn't very close with would talk about. don't they understand that we women don't have a damn clue?

now that we're engaged, the fam has moved onto my brother and i can just feel his annoyance radiating off of him.

B said...

thank you for sharing this! i feel like im in the same situation and i often cave to the pressure and start to question things. its nice to know im not alone and to be reminded that its ok to take your time and grown together regardless of the title.

Mo (New on U) said...

Ah Erica - i feel your pain. I recently got engaged, but for about a YEAR leading up to it, everyone kept asking when he was going to propose. i tried to laugh it off, but seriously wanted to slap them. My frustrations with those people would get transferred to Justin and I almost became one of those nagging gf's. It got to a point I wondered if I just wanted get engaged to shut people up. Anyway - it's always something. I'm sure it will be "When will you guys have kids??" next.

On another note - I think I'm meeting up with you and Whit tomorrow - it'll be nice to meet you!

Brittany Campbell said...

I love this! I feel the same way! There is no rush for the future...let it unfold and enjoy the ride! :)

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry!

Anonymous said...

I will just shut up now! Call me anonymous!

~BF mom

Liz said...

This is exactly what I needed to read today. thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!

ayley said...

i relate to this soooooo much!!!


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